Sunday, October 15, 2017

Halloween Erotica and Grecian Dedications

First, and leading up to Hallow's Eve, some Halloween Erotica:

And now, My Annual Public Service Announcement:
   Please keep in mind that Hershey's is evil. By this, I mean that despite great amounts of humanitarian efforts to challenge them, they continue to pay into child slave labor - children work die under horrid conditions in cocoa plantations (mainly, in the West African Ivory Coast) in order to get chocolate for this monstrous company. When shopping for Halloween candy, please avoid Hershey's. Good alternatives include anything fair trade and/or any treats at places like Trader Joe's. Thank you!
   Next, a few dedications. This one, Greek Viagra gelato, is for AlPenwasser because, well, Mrs. Penwasser. She deserves it. And by it, I mean it!
   Our tour guide treated us to gelato in a little village of Oia (pronounced Ee-ah). Oia's on the Greek island of Santorini. Their star flavor: Greek Viagra. I didn't need any, so I went with Italian Lover. It was delicious, and I heard Greek Viagra is too. It's creamy with honey and nuts.

This one is for Gorilla Bananas, who asked if I tried the Ouzo.* Did I try it? Truth is, I readily posed for this photo, after the rest of the group finished all but a few drops. Those drops trickled down my throat and rattled my braincells like never before. Anything for a good photo (for you, that is)!

 *Pronounced oo-zoh, Ouzo is the official alcoholic beverage of Greece and Cyprus. By law, it cannot contain LESS than 37.5 percent alcohol. Whoosh! Yeah. It tastes like very, very, very strong black licorice. I know this ONLY because a few little drops found their way down my throat here.

   Before the Ouzo scandal, I jumped into these warm, clear, salty waters of the Aegean Sea. (That's me in the upper left of the group.) The water is so salty, it kept us afloat. "Swimming" was effortlessly fun. I'm dedicating this scene to fishducky because she's clearly the appropriate recipient of a wet noodle float on the Aegean Sea - based on her name alone.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, my friends,
Please be safe. Be well. And be good to yourselves.
Love to you.

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Dedications For YOU from Greece, Part I.

Dear Sillies,
In no particular order, I'm posting snapshots from Greece - each dedicated to one of you. My photography and camera are not great. But you were on my mind, so I hope that makes up for it. Here we go...

T-shirt logo for Captain Alex, The Great.
For Stephen Hayes, classy and classical artwork was everywhere. This, in an Athens' hotel lobby.

Janie, these are for you, but only when WDW is away. {We don't want him threatened by the one that's front and center. Surely, he has no reason to be.}
Ah, the cucumber -- the sweet, refreshing cucumber and various pickled items that enhanced every meal. Dedicated, naturally, to Pickleope Von Pickleope.

The little green car on the right is a "Polizei" car, for Momma Fargo.
Psst, Mitchell didn't tell me that he and San Geraldo would be in Greece. This picture is the evidence. It's obvious, right? He's the one on the right.

Contest winner (see last post), and one of my most loyal bloggy friends, Elephant's Child, will receive a sweet package that I bought in Greece. EC posts wonderfully exotic sights including bird close-ups, kangaroos, uniquely colorful flowers, etc. She's as heartfelt and inspirational as they get. So I decided to dedicate this Grecian dove to EC.

More to follow.
Be safe, and take care, friends.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Guessing Game! Where in the world was I?

Dear Sillies,
   Forgive me. I kept a secret from most of you: I went away. Guess where! Really. Please guess. The first right answer-er will win a sweet little package that I brought home. See, I really was thinking about you these past few weeks. 

Clues follow. You'll be subjected to a series of posts. Apologies. But I'll be dedicating specific pics to some of you, and you won't have to endure hundreds of photos. I'll refrain from commenting about your guesses until we have a winner.

In the meantime, I hope you've been well, my friends. 

Please know that loving kindness far outweighs evil madness. This was a main take-back from my journey.
(1) I only saw one Starbucks there.
(3) People there are not glued to their phones.

(4) It's a country, and here's a snapshot of city life. 
(5, 6,7)

To be continued.
Post your guesses in the comments.
One guess per person.

Take care of yourselves, my friends.
I missed you, and I'm excited to re-connect.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Place Holder, Fall & A New Year

I'll be away from all forms of the Internet for the next few weeks. Cold turkey. That's the only way to do it, right? It will be difficult, and I will miss you. In my absence, I leave (1) this collage-poem, and

(2) this LINK with a warning:

You might have already seen my wrestling match on Facebook, in which case you should move along. I'm sorry I can't link it directly to my blog. It's not long (a tad over 3 mins), but blogger says it's too long to post directly.

And yeah, I can't believe that's me -- in a local variety show (Hank Duke's Good Time Variety Show).  I've never acted or (believe it or not) wrestled before. 

My opponent claims he's fine, despite an overnight stay in the ER and many purple bruises. (Just kidding, they're pink now.) Strangely, I also didn't notice his limp, his wheelchair, or full-body cast before we fought. I guess I don't know my own strength.

I love you, my sillies.
Take care of yourselves. Forgive my absence, and I'll see you in October.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Memo to the Men I've Been Not Dating

Dear Guys Who I've Been Not Dating These Days,
What is wrong with you? Never mind, I don’t have the time.
Here’s some unsolicited advice. 

·       Dude 1, DO NOT fail to call a woman when you say you will and then contact her the following week with no excuse for your failure to call earlier except “I was busy.” Don’t then engage her in a second in-depth conversation, at the end of which you promise a phone-call about a plan for the upcoming Saturday night. Then, don’t fail to contact her to make said plan for Saturday night. By all means, don’t have the nerve to show up with a buddy at the club you’d suggested you’d go to together on Saturday night. When she sees you at this club on Saturday night, and the music stops (conveniently, between songs), and all eyes on you, all ears on her, and she inquires angrily about your inability to use a phone, twice now, don’t say this: “I lost your number, and I didn’t want to go through my phone to leave messages.” Because when she publicly shames you, after which she exchanges fist-bumps with a male friend, and the crowd looks on approvingly (or sympathetically, or perhaps, fearfully because, as male friend says, she’s “pretty intimidating!”), you’ll feel smaller than you already are. Don’t do it, dude.
      Dude 2, DO NOT text her 10 times between the night you met and 1pm the next day. Don’t write, “So your ignoring my messages. LOL.,” and when she responds the next morning with “Got home late, needed sleep,” don’t reply: “Apologies, but who is this?” and then, “Robyn/Gal’s name, this is dude 2 from last night.” She knows. Stop! Don’t do it, dude. PS Learn about the apostrophe.
      Dude 3, DO NOT have a cute, endearing smile and tell her how much you want to see her, after telling her you’re not ready for a relationship, and after dissing her to go sell baseball cards on EBay. Don’t take for granted that she’ll wait for you to man up, or that she wants to hang out in the friend-zone. Go for a grand slam, if you earn her trust back first, or don’t play at all. Don’t do it, dude.

Dude 4, DO NOT get or stay in your usual drunken state at a party, chat with a lady in a crowded room, tell her you're married, and -out of the blue- pucker your lips and lean in towards her, as if she would be happy to kiss you. Eww, what is wrong with you? Never mind, I don't have the time. Don't do it, dude.

Dear Sillies,
I hope you’re safe.
Second, I hope you’re feeling strong--spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
I’m fine. These petty annoyances are my fault for failing to swear off the male species. But who knew the "not dating" thing could be so irritating? If I’m going to continue to not date, I’d like a little action on the side (with a nonmarried, decent one), you know? Oy vey.
Love you.
Take care.

Monday, September 4, 2017

Chocolate Samplings & Game Time

Hi, Dear Friends,
Please, first, tell me that you are safe. We'll work on happy, upbeat moods later. Right now, there's too much scary stuff going on in the world. Let's hope our friend Yvonne got the xanax she requested; she's in Houston with family. Love ya, Yvonne. Stay safe. Okay?

I've needed extra doses of my drug of choice these days. So I sampled Chloe's Dark Chocolate, low cal popsicles. Yummy. It tastes light and chocolate-y, definitely satisfying. It didn't taste particularly dark, more like milk chocolate. But these are pretty darn good. I give it an 8 on a 1-10 scale.

Next, I tried chocolate chip popcorn. I know, weird, right? Yeah, no good. Bad. They tasted like -I don't know- some type of cereal fail. Why try to combine sweet and salty, if you're not going to do either the sweet or the salty right? Don't try this one. I give it a 3 on a 1-10 scale. (I did finish the bag, so I can't honestly go lower. I've tasted worse.)

   Now, for silliness' sake, let's play games! I stole these from Facebook and Twitter. Please respond in the comments section. I'll leave a few suggestions, italicized, to get us started.

(1) Ruin a first date in 4 words. ______  ______  ______  _______.

Man: Is four inches okay?
Woman: No sex before marriage!

(2) Give an unlikely name to the Royal Baby (Kate is pregnant with baby #3.)

Fresh Prince of Buckingham Palace
Thurston Howell, III.

&/or (2B) What will be the Royal Baby's first words?

Mum, why do I have more hair than Daddy?
Sh*t! Granny cursed like a sailor when I peed on her new hat.  

Stay safe. Keep a smile.
Know that you are loved. 'Cuz I love you.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Naughty Teacher, TeachErotica

Dear Sillies,

May this find you well and safe - especially those of you in Texas. I'm holding you in my thoughts.

Next, it's back to school time. Kindly allow me to re-introduce TeachErotica. Note: This is adult, consensual, respectful, and very special education. Yet Betsy DeVos (US Sec'y of Education) might be appalled. Martha Stewart, however, can't stay away. (Sorry about her cameo. I gotta give her credit for knowing where to have a good time. Though I wish she'd cover up.)

Love and chocolate kisses to you, my friends.
Take care.

Monday, August 21, 2017

View from the Moon, and Short People CAN Walk!

Hi, Sillies,
How are you?
Please be well and in good spirits. Thank you.

I was imagining a view from the moon (or worse, the sun) today -- hundreds of thousands of school kids, adults, anyone who likes a good show, all staring up at it to catch a glimpse of the total eclipse. Could this country's people look sillier? Oops, we probably have and could.
Or maybe not!
I copied this in "Sunscreen" filter for your retinal protection. 
Regardless, I don't recommend staring directly at it for any length of time. 

Speaking of silly, someone said the most silly and bizarre thing to me yesterday. I was at a picnic, and a friend's much older relative said "It's strange to see such a short person walking around like that". Really? I've had nearly 50 years of practice at it! Yeah, they let us short ones roam around on weekends. They even loosen the wardrobe restrictions. We can expose nips and kneecaps on casual Fridays. Ha! They assume mine are in proportion to my size. Wait til they see these girls!

 "What does being small have to do with walking around? I'm perfectly mobile."

"Oh don't mind me. I'm an old lady, my brain is foggy. I meant that you're cute as the devil." Great! Who doesn't want to be as adorable as the devil? I've only danced with him briefly. When he and I get together, it's for a quickie at best. I have to close my eyes too. 
Then, at the same time, she and I said "The devil isn't cute."

Flustered --she had no more feet to put in her mouth-- the old lady went for Strike 3. "Well I meant that you're cute as a button." Where does that phrase come from? Nobody seems to know for sure. It's thought that because buttons are small, they are cute. That's stupid. If you need a microscope to find it, there's nothing "cute" about the mission.  Give me something I can work with, for a change.
At this point, I quickly moved away. I wouldn't tolerate witnessing her take another turn at bat. 

Later, I told my friend what his relative had said to me. We laughed about it, and he claimed to have no idea who she is. I can't blame him - such a tall person walking around like that. It's a strange thing.

Have a good evening and week, my friends. 

Monday, August 14, 2017

Words ~ A Poem

Dear Sillies,

I'm always thinking of you. Though I wrote this for a friend who's not well enough to utilize the social media, I know that a lot of you (and your loved ones) are battling conditions over which you have little or no control. That said, I hope this poem provides spiritual warmth and comfort. It's my intent, though words are so limiting. And that's kinda the point of my poem.

Also, this is the first (non-erotic) poem I've written in years. Naughty rhyme is much easier for me. 

Anyway, take gentle care of yourselves.
                                             dried roses, my coffee table centerpiece

With wholehearted sincerity:

If words were verbs, this verse would serve

To spin plight into light like you deserve.

To trade the pains and strife you bear

With regained faith in life that’s fair

Erase all portions of your toll

Embrace and restore your gracious soul.

If words could expel your gravest fears

They’d repel what plagues you

And those you hold dear.

Inject youthful zest and the same flashing spark

That helped move you through

Past patches of dark.

They’d kill the ills and cease the disease.

Fill you with seamless steam, thrill, and ease.

If words could convey your out-of-sight worth

They’d bathe you in every last diamond on earth.

Words: they can blast, pop, and pound

And yet not make a sound.

They can crowd real loud

When there’s no one around.

Yet in times of travail

When hours require fight

Words, flail, fail, and 
duck out of sight.

They can’t serve as elixirs

Or tenderize the gruff

But they’ll render an

“I love you.”

I wish that was enough.

Robyn Alana Engel 8.17